Slideways

Tonight was odd. I know India is strange to me anyway but tonight felt sideways, the sort of dislocation you get at the top floor of an old bookshop where the roofs of the city look different, or the empty docks in London just behind St.Pauls where the river seems to travel elsewhere.

I was leaving work and turned up the side street and walking towards me was the shadow of a man with fire burning on his head. As w eapproached one another I saw it was a normal man and that he had a flat wicker tray balanced on his head. On that tray was a burning oil lamp and loaves of bread. I nodded at him and he, of course, did not nod back. So I walked on.

The main road was of roiling clouds of smoke. I walked past the new car lot and there was a huge bonfire inside it - flames leaping up into the sky. But the smoke wwasn't coming from there it was blowing down the street.

I kept walking and reached home with no problems. No smell of smoke in the air. I asked the Missus and she said she had seen no smoke or fires on the streets.

Odd.

If I had followed the chap with the burning lamp where would I have ended up? My 20-year old self would have been on him like a greyhound.

It Must Be Mine!

Now I'm certain that my adoring fans (all four of you?) have been wondering what could possibly wake me from my torpor and encourage me to blog more. 'Would it be monkeys?' you asked each other. 'Could he be preparing an essay explaining how to fight a time war?'

No. It is this and this alone that demands my, and now your, attention:

There is, I believe, more product at this site and now my life is very nearly complete. For, when I return from India and arrive in blessed America again, will I seek out a burger, decent scotch or a clean bog?

No friends, I will seek out the bacon chocolate bar.

And I will follow their carefully constructed instructions when I do so:

How to Eat an Exotic Candy Bar...

See... first, there should be a glossy shine to the chocolate bar, this shows a good temper; rather, a tight bond between the cocoa butter and the cocoa mass.

Smell... rub your thumb on the chocolate to help release the aromas. Inhale the chocolate and ingredient notes deeply through your nose. Can you feel it?

Snap... quality chocolate should always be dry to the touch. Break the bar into two pieces.

Hear a crisp, ringing snap, which indicates a well-tempered bar of chocolate.

Taste... place the chocolate on your tongue and press it to the roof of your mouth. Within thirty seconds, the chocolate should slowly begin to melt around your tongue. The taste should not be evanescent; it should have a long, lingering finish.

Feel... recognize the life in your body as you… benefit from the anti-oxidants in chocolate, ride the natural high of chillies, boost your immune system with some of the natural ingredients.

Each bar brings its own sensations and benefits. Notice how spicy bars don’t hit you until after you have swallowed.